Years ago I saw a book by Harry Stein, titled: Ethics (and Other Liabilities): Trying to Live Right in an Amoral World. I didn't buy it because I understood the premise on a purely intuitive level. ironically, twenty-one years later I am still vexed by the truth of which Harry wrote. Add to this the on-going self-debate about the potential for a "holier than thou" presence within my little 'h' human self and my vexation is amplified. It gets so noisy in here on occasion that I've actually yelled: "Shut up!" to myself... but I digress.

Recently the Universe saw fit to shut me up on the "holier than thou" arguement by sending a forwarded email regarding the path of ascension many are currently walking. There it was, an electronic missive, clarifying so much. It 'fit' so well that all I can do is cut and paste here; the magnitude of the resonance still rocks me:
32. An intolerance for lower vibrational things (of the 3D) reflected in conversations, attitudes, societal structures, healing modalities, etc. They literally make you feel "sick" inside. When we begin arriving in the higher realms and in a highervibration, our energies are no longer in alignment withthe old outside 3D world. Through a severe intolerance to the old, we are being "pushed" to move forward...to be and create the New.

What was clarified was the reason for my distaste with the commericalization of spirit in this "new age"...... (glad to be able to spit that flavor out)

In 1987, on the last day of the Harmonic Convergence, I stepped out of the car on Airport Mesa, Sedona, AZ and I struggled with anger and frustration when I saw the trash defiling a sacred spot. The festivities over, the vendors had departed, leaving shit in their wake. Blissfuly, the voice of Gaia, my sister earth, spoke within my heart and I was able to rise above the squallor and find a spot on which to rest my warrior's soul. It was only a few months later that I saw Harry Stein's book.

During the ensuing years I have grown amused by the marketing and bandwagon approach some 'new agers' have taken on this journey we are on. I am still on my own path, unearthing my truth by my own labor; earning my keep by serving others via the gifts the Goddess entrusted to my keeping. And I know that I can no more heal someone than I can take them across a threshold to another dimension. Those journeys are singular and must be made alone and within the confines of our own unique consciousness.

(more to come)

Oya, Blessed One.

Daughter of the Moon. A glimmer of reflected light... only knowing darkness within.
Child of Chaos. A limitless confine... where polarities are balanced.
Student of mystery. At home with the unknown... the solitude supports me.

The dark expanse of unbounded potential where ALL is possible... this is my nesting ground, my within....

I move through the place defined by the sons of man... again they stir the well of chaos. Creation moves within the starry realms and ancient memories rise within me. Sentinels and vanguards search the darkness to find the source of the swirling.

Blade I am... forged by water's fire. Unsheathed I am... tempered at Love's forge. I rest when I can... pledged to Love's service, I do what I must.
The heart of Gaia, my sister, holds fast to mine. In the healing of my own wounds... I find her immortality. In silent resolve, she and I move within the stirrings.... the sons of man know not what they see when we glide by. A seeming glimpse of light... sparking a memory within their beings. The story changes here... NOW!

Child I am.... forged, formed and tempered by Love's hand. Ancient and inviolate... I cast Love's wake in my movement.

To the desolate, hope.
To the wounded, healing.
To the ends of time.... Love be your companion.

Gifts given freely

At a time when I really needed to know that in fact, love did exist in this world, I was hanging out with my spirit brother, Johnathan, at a small water hole, beneath a culvert along a country road. During the beastly Summer months in a small upstate city in New York, we would religiously escape the hot pavement for this small place where runoff from streams afforded us a place to literally chill out. The added bonus of this oasis was that the place was ripe with the most amazing rocks; with fossils galore beneath our feet, we always spent time rock hunting. Well this one particular day we were sitting on some larger rocks, splashing our feet in the cold water and I happen to look down to my right and find this awesome rock that I knew had been a perfect heart.... if not for the bottom point which had been broken off. I mused aloud to Johnathan about how cool it would be to have seen it before the piece came off. We were both amazed at the shape of it so I resolved to take it home with me... a treasure of great wealth for it was a gift, given freely, by my sister Earth. Ten minutes could not have passed when my left hand, as if moved my some other will than my own, moved to pick up another rock. You got... it was the bottom of the heart. Both Johnathan and I, well schooled in the ways of magic, were still completely awed by such an event. The heart stone came home with me and has since been the central point of an altar.
Through the years, it has mirrored other heartbreaks I have endured... it now is now 4 pieces rather than 2 and my human heart is only a little worse for the wear. I am loathe to encase it for safety, but I worry how many more breaks it can withstand before it crumbles... returning to the dust it once was. And so it is that I walk this physical world... heart unshielded for it must be free, yet like my heartstone.... it is vunerable and, although the wounds are not mortal, they are deep and painful. Allowing the force of Love to heal me, I retreat to Nature.

Events and Triggers

The Sun's annual passage over my Sun, Moon and Venus..... known by Astrologers as a "transit"... has been quite powerful this year. All 3 of those major planets in my birth (natal) chart are extremely close to each other, separated by only minor degrees and they pack a mighty influence into a small space. The Moon sits in my 6th house of service and predisposes me to work as a source of emotional outlet.... I love to serve, it's the main reason I spent almost 30 years in food service. The Sun, Venus and Mercury all sit in my 7th house of close personal partnerships, ranging from love to business. They are all in the sign of Taurus... a sign of patience beyond human limits, Taureans are natural caregivers, loyal friends and steadfast partners.
With the Sun in the place it is, I experience a very challenging aspect from Pluto, who is the ruler of my chart (Scorpio rising). As this as yearly transit occurs, the tension is quite intense. Pluto calls for transformation of the energy, thereby enabling growth. It is growth that is always hard-won and always involves other people (7th house). And the scenario is generally the same... with variations on a theme. There is inevitably a breach of confidence involved... or there are glaring discrepancies between parties that I am involved with, placing me in a position where I do not know who to believe because in my complete naivete, I tend to believe what people tell me. I mean I don't fall for out and out bullshit, but I tend to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I remember what it was like to feel so insignificant that I had to fabricate stories about myself to justify my existence.
So here I sit, one week after my 59th birthday... watching the same experience play out with different players and I am left to wonder what lesson I am missing. I don't violate confidences anymore... it's been decades since I fell prey to that behavior. I still hold to the reality that when there is a glaring difference in 2 individual perspectives of a story, only the 2 involved will know the truth. The only lesson that strikes any chord resonates with my desire to run off and seclude myself from human behavior. I feel no stress from birds, animals, plants, insects... only from humans. But that is not a feasible possibility for the call to serve is strong and as an individual who's call to service is evident in more than one way, I must honor what I came here to do. So I shall follow the advice given to me many Moons ago; I will be in the world, but not of it. My detachment is a safety net, the lifeline that will keep me sane until the Sun moves into Leo this July.... then I will duck and cover.